In the above-50 age bracket where I belong to, I envy my batchmates who have the guts to wear jogger pants matched with multi-colored socks and a pair of white, low-cut Chuck Taylor shoes.
While malling with their wife and children, they proudly wear tight-fitting floral polo shirts as if they are millennials, unmindful of their bulging tummies and vanishing hair. Always in a state of denial, they’re also quick to debunk their illnesses when they cannot even walk straight to the toilet. They will never tell you their age.
Without a question, these are symptoms of men trapped in a midlife crisis. Experienced by people aged 45 to 65, midlife crisis is deemed normal for every human being.
The difference lies on how individuals deal with it. It affects almost all aspects of life, including the person's choice of cars. Sometimes, they're politically correct, but sometimes they end up in a sorry state because of mismatched choices. Even if the car doesn’t fit their lifestyle, budget, or physical condition, they’ll still buy it.
After all, the bottom line is about happiness.
Brace yourselves, because here are the 10 most sought-after cars of men experiencing a midlife crisis.
1) Ford Mustang GT. The Ford Mustang has impressed generations of car lovers. Beginning with your father’s grandfather, chances are you’re also hankering for the latest edition of this P3 million+ muscle car to keep up with the family tradition. You dream of driving it a la Paul Walker although your bank account is telling you to apply the brakes.
2) Nissan GT-R. So you wanna hang out in a popular coffee shop at Bonifacio Global City on Sundays. No matter what strata of society you belong to, there will always be a reserved parking slot for you as long as you’re driving this P7.35 million 3.8-liter V6 Godzilla to an exclusive group of sports car owners who regularly hang out in that place. But you always have to alert the parking attendants to pull you out from its low bucket seat because of your weak leg muscles.
3) Jeep Wrangler Rubicon. Your gout and arthritis problems suddenly disappear whenever discussions about off-roading are brought up. This full-blooded off-road brute can take you through thick mud and heart-pumping river crossings with no sweat. But off-roading is not a joking matter. Even if you feel that you are immortal while driving the Wrangler, make sure that you bring along a BP monitor and you took your maintenance medicines in the morning.
4) Toyota 86. You and your son will likely haggle over the keys of this affordable yet awesome sports car. The 86 is so likeable that you would rather endure osteoporosis than missing all the fun driving it. When it comes to the driving music, will it be a toss between Justin Bieber or George Michael?
5) Toyota FJ Cruiser. Midlife crisis men always complain about their cramped office spaces, but are willing to sacrifice roominess in exchange for this retro-style SUV. You’ll never hear rumblings about its limited four-corner visibility and small cargo area. The downside is you’ll find them rattled on how to engage the four-wheel drive system or open the rear 'suicide doors' most of the time.
6) Mazda MX-5. This multi-awarded roadster is always on top of the list of every troubled man. Sleek and sexy, the Miata is effective in seducing young ladies who are drooling for a joyride in a convertible. The problem is, groovy daddy can hardly read the speedometer. Also, make sure that your toupee is well-clipped before flooring the pedal.
7) Subaru WRX STI. You know that this car is fast but you’re scared to drive it on a racetrack. Without admitting that your reflexes have gone slow over the years, you don’t have the balls to push this rally-bred machine to the redline. You would rather do a drive-by at an exclusive women’s university and just repeatedly rev the boxer engine for the ladies to hear its solid exhaust sound. And that already merits an orgasm.
8) Mini Cooper S. Always a favorite target of middle-aged men, this European icon guarantees fun and thrills when driving. Vibrant and full of energy, the Mini Cooper S can easily deduct 20 years from your real age. Just don't put too much hair gel because the smell of it might stick to the car's premium leather seats.
9) Audi TT quattro. Driving this four-wheel-drive turbocharged European coupe is ecstasy. More so if you’ve seen Alden Richards drive it through a coffee shop because it can trigger hallucinations that you’re twin brothers. Compact and easy to maneuver, the Audi TT will take you by surprise with its aggressive acceleration.
10) Suzuki Jimny. This mini two-door SUV is probably the hottest millennial choice that majority of the midlife crisis men can easily afford. Known for its strong, agile and nimble characteristics, the Suzuki Jimny is synonymous with youthfulness. Forget about the absence of a luggage compartment, men will find this vehicle a perfect way to mingle with the younger generation. In order not to degrade the Jimny's youngish appeal, don't tuck in your T-shirt.
After reading this article, men who buy the aforementioned vehicles will likely have only one thing to say:"Mamatay na lang kayo sa inggit!"