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Top Gear Philippines

I have yet to meet a driver who doesn't have a single bad habit behind the wheel. If you're such a driver, please raise your hand--I'd like to meet you. But having a bad habit is one thing; being a bad driver is another. Now, how do you know if you're a bad driver? By bad, I do not mean lousy at the technical aspect of driving, like not knowing how to parallel-park, for instance. By bad, I mean selfish, immoral, foul, dishonest, malicious, despicable.

An asshole, in other words.

I tried to make a list of the most common misdeeds an asshole driver does on a regular basis, and I came up with 20 items. Please indulge me here and go over the list. Then determine your score by adding up the points you earn for all the transgressions you're guilty of. Note that the bonus item is worth 10 points. Finally, share your score by taking the poll below. For the record, I scored two points. I would have scored 12 points, but I hardly drink these days (thanks to uric acid).

1. You don't observe the speed limit, just because you think you have the driving skills of Sebastien Loeb. (1 point)

2. You don't give a shit about the red light. You think stopping for it is just a waste of time. (1 point)

3. You honk a lot, especially when the light turns green and you want the car in front of you to move with the speed of sound. (1 point)

4. You don't use your signal lights when changing lanes or making a turn, believing that other motorists are omniscient. (1 point)

5. You don't stop to let pedestrians pass. You also probably assume that pedestrians can walk through solid stuff, because you park right on top of the pedestrian lane. (1 point)

6. You block intersections and don't care about the vehicles you're inconveniencing. You're merely keeping them away from their favorite soap opera, you sneer. (1 point)

7. You speed up when you realize that the car in the next lane is trying to switch to yours. How dare he! (1 point)

8. You don't fall in line. You just squeeze your car into the front part of the queue because you're the most awesome person in the galaxy. (1 point)

9. You park like a jerk by straddling two slots, grabbing a slot reserved for the handicapped, blocking the driveway, or ignoring a no-parking sign. (1 point)

10. You make wide turns from an outer lane and disrupt the flow of traffic in the inner lanes, because you're sure other people have all the time in the world to watch you do this stunt. (1 point)


11. You run over a puddle and splash people on the sidewalk with mud water. Or you drive fast on a dusty road even when there are people walking nearby. Those peasants! (1 point)

12. You use your hazard lights to justify the illegal act you're about to do. Like stopping abruptly to pick up someone in the middle of the road without considering the cars behind you. (1 point)

13. You trail an ambulance to slice through traffic. Or you don't move aside to let an ambulance through. (1 point)

14. You throw litter out on the road. Possibly including prophylactics. (1 point)

15. You use your mobile phone or tablet to update your Facebook status or to post a new photo on Instagram--usually to rant about the moron in the other car. (1 point)

16. You hog the passing lane while driving slowly and whistling a happy tune. (1 point)

17. You leave your headlamps' high beam on even when there are oncoming vehicles. And when they flash you, you simply flash them back. (1 point)

18. You weave in and out of traffic like you're competing in a Formula 1 race. (1 point)

19. You tailgate the car in front so closely you can actually see what radio station the other guy is listening to. (1 point)

20. You don't leave a note with your contact details when you scratch or dent another car on a parking lot. (1 point)

BONUS: You drive drunk, which is the worst thing you can ever do in the driver's seat. (10 points)

How much of an asshole are you behind the wheel?
0: You're the holiest driver in the history of the automobile. Keep it up!
1-2: You deserve a sound and restful sleep every night
3-4: You're okay but don't let your father-in-law catch your few bad habits
5-7: You can still go back to the straight and narrow path
8-10: Time to do some soul-searching
11-13: You need to know that your kids aren't proud of you
14-16: We bet people are cursing you somewhere on Facebook
17-19: We'd be surprised if you haven't been inside a prison cell
20-20+: Dude, can you please get out of our website and don't ever come back?

Vernon B. Sarne
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