DISCLAIMER: This article is satire, and what you read here should not be treated as facts. Its contents are mere exaggeration and sarcasm.
Jaguar has responded to the reveals of the new Mercedes-AMG GT 4-door Coupe and the Ferrari Luce by throwing its arms out wide and shouting, ‘How you like me now, suckers.’
Despite suffering an international backlash from so-called ‘fan’ communities upon the reveal of its Type 00—and now Type 01—electric vehicle, the British carmaker is basking in suddenly becoming the subject of the automotive world’s appreciation.
Sources close to Jaguar have said it now plans on driving prototype Type 01s—with door graphics of Sir William Lyons wearing sunglasses—relentlessly around the streets of Affalterbach and Maranello, once it has figured out a route that takes in fast charging points.
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“Bet we’re looking pretty sweet right now,” a source said. “National scandal over a sodding concept car and advertising campaign? Leave it out. Have you seen what the others are doing? Forget a bold and forward-thinking concept making the front pages of the rags—those things demand that parliamentary committees be convened.
“Suddenly, a pastel-pink Jaguar that looks like it came out of the cool Batman cartoons is now your automotive savior, and after the two years we’ve just had, we’re here for it.”
When pushed on how Jaguar would capitalise on this about-face, the source said: “Just wait until you see the SUV version of the Type 01. It’s a brutalist critique on humankind’s automotive folly intertwined with sensually expressive premium luxury for the super-mega-ultra-highest-net-worth consumer.
“Basically, we’ve put the Type 01 on massive stilts to create a road-going naval destroyer,” the source added, “and it’ll still somehow look prettier than that AMG and Ferrari. Yeesh.”
NOTE: This article first appeared on TopGear.com. Minor edits have been made.
