Ford Excursion 6.8 V10
The Ford Excursion is classed in its American homeland as a ‘full-sized SUV’ and everywhere else as ‘a small planet’. Being big enough to seat most of New Hampshire, the mid-2000s spec giant was supplied with a variety of V8s through its short life, to help it move faster than wind erosion.
You’d imagine that the stupidest engine on the menu was the 7.3-liter turbodiesel V8 that Ford borrowed from its family of bus and truck engines. But no. The dubious honour of maddest engine in the brochure goes to the optional 6.8-liter V10, which developed a mighty 310hp. So, less power than a VW Golf R, from an engine over three times the size. Magnificence.
But Ford is not the only carmaker to have seen a V10 lying about near a large truck and thought ‘hmm, those two should get together'. From 2004 to 2006, Dodge would sell you a Ram pick-up with the 8.3-liter V10 from a Viper poked under the bonnet.
Good for 510hp and 0-100kph in 4.9sec (in the single cab configuration), the Ram SRT-10 will go down in history as one of the most American objects to have ever existed.
VW Touareg W12 Sport
Thought this was just going to be a list of times the Americans overcooked their lunch for us to laugh at? Wrong! The Europeans are by no means above slotting preposterous engines into normcore cars.
You’ve heard of the Touareg 5.0-liter V10 TDI: a love letter to gearbox-destroying torque that Volkswagen would probably rather you forgot all about.
But did you know there was also an even loonier Toe-rag, equipped with the 6.0-liter W12 bi-turbo powerplant usually reserved for Bentley? The king of Touaregs developed 450hp, which wasn’t enough, because it weighed 2,542kg, Only 500 were made before VW got on with more sensible projects.
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VW Passat 4.0 W8
In fact the early 2000s were a bit of a mad five minutes for Volkswagen, which also decided to take the utterly tedious and nondescript Passat, and give it a new type of eight-cylinder engine. Instead of a conventional V8, it built a W8 – effectively four banks of two cylinders arranged in a more compact block. Good for a measly 271hp, sales were slower than the near seven-second 0-100kph time, and VW killed it off after only a handful of years on sale.
However, it retained the idea of a ‘W’ engine, doubled the cylinder count, added a few more turbos, and something called the Bugatti Veyron was the result...
Toyota Previa SC
Heard the one about the supercharged, mid-engined, rear-wheel drive minivan? That’s what Toyota could sell you in the 1990s. The engineers lay a 2.4-liter four-cylinder engine flat, and shoved it under the front seats.
Good news: a short bonnet and perfect weight distribution.
Bad news: no room for a bigger engine when buyers wanted more than 133bhp.
Solution? Toyota supercharged the mid-engined minivan, boosting it to 154bhp. Sales remained paltry, and when this generation of Previa died, the concept of a mid-engined MPV went with it.
Mercedes R63 AMG
In these days of downsized engines and hybrid boost, where even a new C63 only has a 2.0-liter four-cylinder engine, the very idea of Mercedes once offering a 6.2-liter V8 seems absurd.
What’s downright insane is the sheer variety of cars that legendary engine lived in. Sedans, wagons, SUVs, cabriolets… and a six-seater MPV-SUV weirdo called the R-Class. Only 12 R63s were sold in the UK, because apparently demand for a 503bhp six-seater muscle car wasn’t as strong as AMG expected.
Not to be outdone, Audi decided a global financial meltdown was the ideal time to launch its own sensible family car with an outrageous engine. Here, it outfitted the Q7 with a 6.0-liter V12 turbodiesel, distantly related to the powerplant that was taking Audi to multiple Le Mans 24 hours wins at that time.
And yet, Audi never leveraged its endurance success to shift supercars. Instead, we got a 950Nm, 2.7-ton ode to all that’s right – and wrong – with German engineers.
Back to the Americans then. And to the ninth-generation Chevrolet Suburban SUV, which was sold with a variety of V8s bigger than 5.0-liters in capacity, or a couple larger than 6.0 liters. But for the larger 2500 series models, there was the tantalising option of an 8.1-liter V8, which only churned out 325hp.
So, it was less powerful than the 6.1-litre V8, but much torque-ier, and that’s handy if you’ve got stuff to tow. Like speedboats. Or Mount Rushmore.
Dodge Durango SRT Hellcat
Take a three-row family SUV, plumb in the engine from a Dodge Hellcat. Recipes come no more silly in 2022. This 6.2-liter, 710hp supercharged anachronism weighs over 2.4 tons, but can achieve 0-100kph in 3.6 seconds.
It’s proof that America will carry on the noble art of silly engines in sensible cars long after Europe and Japan appear to have left it behind.
This story first appeared on TopGear.com. Minor edits have been made.